8 months and climbing

Wilderness hikes and mountain climbs, a skirt and a dress, new friends, Lori time EVERY morning, a porch light that is back on, a chance to pay it forward, and a fresh new optimistic outlook on life. Oh, and -130 lbs and counting! Yeah!

I felt compelled to mark this day - July 28, 2011 - eight months since my Fitness North journey officially began. A journey to better heath and happiness with a life that holds Lori in the center of the equation. And what an amazing climb it has been!

I had no realistic idea of what I was getting myself into eight months ago when I checked in at my beloved Surfside on Lake Superior and turned myself and my life over to those who new best at FN. My true inspiration, mentor and role model who had walked the journey on national TV - O'Neal Hampton; and the best program director, nutritionist, trainer and coach I could ever have asked for in program director Leif Anderson. So today, it is with a full heart and tremendous gratitude that I write. I am almost certain without their nudge and ongoing direction and support, I would not be here today.

That said, the hard, hard work of dragging myself out of bed at the crack of dawn and up to the gym or out on the mountain to snowshoe through sometimes excruciating pain and tears, was all mine. The physical journey and the physical transformation to date is great: -130+ lbs and, last time I measured which was two months ago, more than 45 inches off chest, waist, arms, thighs...

How I got here has become less important than the journey itself and the physical and emotional transformation --just as O'Neal (Unc) said it would be. For me, the real transformation has been that of how I now approach my life. There is no question that I am the center of my life. I view the world from the lens of glass half full and opportunities instead of challenges (most of the time), and I am happy. Perhaps most importantly, I have learned so much about myself and the emotional road blocks I have managed to erect over many years. And I am working through them one day at a time, one opportunity at a time, and winning most of the time. Another yeah!

Let's mark a few of the incredible milestones - big and little - for fun, since I am certain this blog will make its way into some version of printed form and will be part of the story I will share with others when I take my big pants and hit the road.

Just this past week, the little milestones were telling:

•  I now start my work days EVERY DAY with Lori time - 90% of the time my fitness routine. This past week, I walked/hiked every day on the Superior Hiking Trail for an hour before work. Training for climbing a decent size mountain in Acadia in October!
• Wore a skirt! In fact, I now own a maxi dress and a skirt. Haven't been in either in more than 10 years.
• This past week on the shore, on one of my work days, I spent a total of 8 of 18 waking hours in one day on myself. Started with my morning hike, took one hour out in the middle of a gorgeous work day to sun on the deck, spent 2.5 hours in the spa, had dinner with a friend, met another friend at night. 100% healthy time and nurturing for Lori's soul. In the past, I would have worked 16 of those 18 hours without a break.

Today I am thinking of my FN 2 lions -- Shari, Carrie, Sue, Phillip, Leslie, Jim, Jusselin, Mark, and Gina -- with whom I shared the on-campus journey and the beginning of the transformation that will change our lives forever. I wish them all well and I can't wait to see where we all are at the one year mark!

My training team from the Twin Cities at Balance for Life Fitness Center - Julie and Sandra - and of course my fearless leader and program director, Leif Anderson - how incredible you all are to see me through and help me bring this home. Thank you seems too small for all you have done and continue to help me do every day.

Finally, I am so incredibly grateful to ALL of you who have supported me in this journey and who continue to offer your love, support and friendship for my life changing transformation. Tomorrow is the sports bra challenge sponsored by Biggest Loser 11 winner Olivia Ward and her sister Hannah. I am considering it and I have a hot pink new Nike Sports Bra to sport. I will let you know how it goes!

Hugs.

You are on a path

I carved out time this morning to blog as I have so many thoughts swirling in this brain of mine. Turns out no particular topic or words of wisdom are making their way into cohesive thought - just a lot of wondering about where I am on this path and why I am feeling more challenged and tentative about things than I have in some time.

So instead of rambling with no rhyme or reason, I have decided to practice patience with myself and to remind myself this is all part of the journey. Sometimes we have to embrace the unknown and just roll with it.

I want to share one of my favorite quotes from Caroline Adams - as it, perhaps better than anything - reminds me that I am exactly where I am meant to be right now. We are paused here for a reason. There must be more to do/learn/see.

Your life is a Sacred Journey  
(Caroline Joy Adams)

"Your life is a sacred journey. It is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous risks, embracing challenges at every step along the way.

You are on the path. Exactly where you are meant to be right now... And from here, you can only go forward, sharpening your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, beauty, wisdom, power, dignity and love."

Gosh I love this! I can honestly say that these past 8 months (this next week is eight months since I started my journey) have been all about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation...all of the above. What a gift! I can't wait to see how it unfolds.

This next week I head to the North Shore for work and get to hike and climb many more footpaths on my journey. Maybe some clarity will come on those paths. I can't wait to see what's next.

Hugs to all my lions. Thanks for reading/listening. Feel free to share words of wisdom or personal experiences. I am listening.


(Notes to mark this place in the journey: Weight loss has slowed to -7 lbs lost in the last five weeks. Emotional part of the journey much tougher. Total weight lost in 8 months = -130 lbs. Some current bumps in the road - nothing I can't overcome. Next goal/challenge: Climb a BIGGER mountain in Maine in mid October with my lions.)

Trust

I have been thinking a lot about trust this week and how it impacts all relationships past, present and future. I am noticing that when a trust issue arises in my world, I can easily get off kilter and react with hurt, disappointment, a little anger...

How do we ever know if we can truly trust someone? If they are telling us the truth or stretching things just a little - for pure/good reasons or other reasons like they want something from us... Frankly, how well do we ever really know someone in general? I have always thought trust is best determined by a person's actions, and how they live their life as a whole, not just by one encounter and certainly not by talk only. It takes time to build a true bond of trust, and I believe that comes with really getting to know someone and not being afraid to put yourself out there.

I have always been quick (perhaps too quick) to trust people and give them my heart. That means I am putting myself at greater risk of getting hurt, being betrayed. Perhaps I am not as keen a judge of character as I thought I was. Not sure.

This blog is not well articulated and I don't even know the point. I just wanted to document for myself that at this place in my journey, I am very aware of the precious gift of trust and how fragile it is. There is something underlying this theme. I know I will sort through it. For now, it is clear I am being given lots of opportunities to grow and learn more about myself as it relates to trust issues.

All for now. Just putting this out in the cosmic universe.

One foot in front of the other

An out of control busy at work, an unexpected diet coke craving, stress over an office move we're not ready for, no Internet connection at home this morning -- tons of good reasons to cancel my work out this morning. Drug myself...crabby as heck.

A fellow trainee who works out there came up to me and said, "You look just amazing! You are doing a fantastic job. I am so impressed..."

Mission accomplished. Now I can start my day. Some days it is one foot in front of the other and it will work out. Literally! Positive reinforcement always helps.

Opportunities for healing, renewal and growth

One of the greatest gifts in my life is the incredible friendships and relationships I have with so many different people. I am a people-focused person and I live in the world of possibilities. My Myers Briggs Personality Type is ENFJ, a person driven by high standards when it comes to understanding and caring about people; understanding, supporting and encouraging others. I LOVE this about me and have no intention of changing!

That said, this highly people-focused way of living, often means that "people disappointments" (which are simply part of human nature) are very tough for me. It is easy for me to be rocked to my core by a people disappointment...sometimes to the point where I throw in the towel on me and play the victim.

A very wise man and mentor - O'Neal Hampton - told me in the beginning of this journey that "it would be the people disappointments that would challenge me the most on my way to better health and happiness." Whether it be a simple disappointment, a hurtful lie or act, someone simply acting out of jealousy or competitiveness, or a larger hurt like a betrayal of trust. No matter. I took what O'Neal said to heart and have been observing my reactions during these past months to the "people disappointments" in my life. And, for better or worse, whoa, was O'Neal right! (Not surprisingly - :-)

The tough news is that "people disappointments" are part of life -- again, we are all human and we all make mistakes, often saying and doing hurtful or stupid things whether we want to or not. Some are tougher than others. Some are more intentional than others. And some, hurt way more than others. I have always tried to live my life with the utmost integrity, honesty and high values for how I treat and relate to people. Thus, I have never been afraid of putting myself out there and giving my all, including incredible intimacy and trust. This does mean that I get hurt more easily. And, when I do, I have learned that the old Lori just completely "threw herself under the bus." Internalized the conflict, personalized it, and in the process often became a victim.

During the past 7 months, as I have worked to put myself first, things have changed. I have done a MUCH better job of working through people disappointments big and small. I have learned to hold people as humans who make mistakes and, perhaps most importantly, I have done a better job of keeping my reaction to the disappointment separate - something I choose. I can choose to be the victim and sabotage myself and my happiness, or I can choose to be happy and to move on. In control of my own destiny. Now, I am not saying this is easy! Heck no. But, these past months I have had plenty of opportunity to practice -- practice forgiveness, practice choosing happiness, and often simply choosing not to get embroiled in the drama but rather chock it up as something I simply can't control. Whew, can we just celebrate those accomplishments for a moment?!

As I determine how I want to live my life moving forward, this is how it has to be. Lori first, and a Lori not embroiled in drama she can't control. Lori happy! So far, I am doing well. And this past week, an opportunity presented itself to take this work to the next level. To actually heal and renew myself and a lost relationship. And, I have to say, I am truly blessed that I was healthy enough to be open to this opportunity and grab hold. The payoff is great!

For me personally, the lesson is about learning to choose and direct my own happiness -- even and especially in the face of some of the toughest people disappointments. It is a day-to-day challenge and a work in progress. But I thank the universe for the opportunity to learn the lesson and I am so glad I had the courage to grab hold and trust myself and the process.

"Today I am filled with love and gratitude for those people who are challenging me in my life. And I know that through love and gratitude, there is opportunity for ...."

Hugs!
Lori

Opportunities to continue the climb

This is not the blog I expected to write. The events of this past week have shaped a new topic that I am only beginning to explore - recognizing and grabbing hold of opportunities when they present themselves. And, they do...every day! For regular readers of this blog, you know that my personal exploration often happens as I write...right here, on this blog, before your very eyes. So bare with me.

This past week has been one of incredible opportunity. Opportunity for awareness, for healing, for health, and for personal growth. How lucky I am to be presented with so many opportunities (perhaps formerly viewed as challenges) and to be open to them -- able to grab hold even when I am not sure what will happen next or what I will find at the top. As you may know, my personal journey has been about climbing mountains, literally and figuratively. This week I did both!

The climb to the top
On Independence Day, I completed my first climb to the summit of Carlton Peak on the North Shore of Lake Superior. Some of you have perhaps climbed it on vacation. For me, it was a milestone. The peak is part of the Superior Hiking Trail and, in my bold assertion that I am now a hiker, I added the goal of hiking the entire 277 Superior Hiking Trail to my bucket list. While I have climbed Oberg Mountain 6-7x (thank you FN), this was the first for Carlton.The hike is not that long, but it ascends rather steeply and then offers a steep scramble up a rock to the summit where the views are definitely worth it.

My Mom went with me on the hike part way and then stayed back while I climbed up to the peak. She was a real trooper to do as much of the hike as she did. Since Mom was waiting, I hauled it as the mountain ascended, rarely stopping to take photos (kept hearing Leif telling me to keep movin'). As a rookie hiker, I neglected to bring the water bottle or the trail map - and for those of you that know me well, I am EXTREMELY directional challenged. Turns out, even on the Superior Hiking Trail you are given options of trails and you have to make choices. I usually make the wrong one.

It was a warm, sunny day and by the time I got to the Britton Peak overlook, I was hot and tired but I made good time, got some great photos from the overlook, and stopped long enough to truly embrace the accomplishment -- both getting here today and getting to the -130 lb mark from what I weighed about 7 months ago.

I thought I was at the top of the mountain when I saw a sign and the steep climb up a boulder to the actual peak. I was nervous about the climb up the steep rock by myself, without water, but how could I come this far and not get there?! There was no question I was doing it. So up I went. And, as I climbed that rock with not much to hang on to, I tossed up a little a prayer (or more like a plea): "I could use a little help here!"

Once past the steep rock, there were more trail choices and a bit more climb. Now, I was really wishing I had my water. As I looked to my left, I heard voices. Three handsome young gentleman were sitting on the edge of a rock taking in the view (good thing I didn't take off my shirt and make the climb in my sports bra - which I had considered). One of the young men jumped up and asked if he could help as he heard my heavy breathing recovering from the climb. He immediately asked my name, told me his, and offered to show me the way to the summit (it was apparently only 100 feet away!). While there, I told him my story and he told me his -- he and his buddies were all in seminary school studying to be teachers. He was at Saint Thomas seminary. Prayer answered. This time in the form of three nice young men perfectly suited to assist me. How cool is that?!

Paul and his friends offered their water. I took their photo on the summit. And then they led me down off the mountain, including helping me over the steep descent down the slippery rock, where yes indeed I fell and practically knock Paul off the mountain! He grabbed my camera and my hand, and they all helped me down. (Just a bit embarrassing.) Despite my urging for Paul to join his friends and let me hike the trail back to Mom at my, now slower, pace, he stayed with me. We had a great talk along the way -- what an incredible person. When we rejoined his friends, they offered more water, and got me safely back to the log where my Mom was just thrilled to have greeted each and every one of the runners and walkers in the Tofte Trek 10k that passed by her on the trail while I was climbing my mountain.

So there you have it. I was presented with an opportunity to climb another mountain on my way to realizing the opportunity for greater health. The feeling of accomplishment was huge, and the new relationship with my "mountain saviors," priceless. Paul and his friends were just what I needed, when I needed it, to get to the top. My prayer was answered.

That day, Mom and I spent the afternoon with my work colleagues and friends from Tofte at the community parade and festival, and then later at the amazing fireworks display over the lake by Bluefin Bay. (I LOVE fireworks!) I saw everyone from the community that I know - my extended North Shore family -- and many people from the Twin Cities who were up vacationing. All, were incredibly complimentary and reinforcing of my progress to date. It made me feel so great and re-energized. Another incredible gift.

The lesson here. Most people are totally amazing human beings and will support you when you are open to it and allow them in. I have so many "lions" with me on this journey, I feel just incredibly blessed. The gratitude I have today for where I am is overwhelming. And the lessons from the opportunities are just beginning. I will close this blog  and finish part 2 - Opportunities for healing and renewal -- in the next one. Stay tuned!

Lori

"I am so grateful that the universe will thrill me with magnificent surprises today."