Embracing gray

More than a contest...it's life's journey

I started this past week on a high, and I can't wait to share!

On Monday, I had my final weigh in for the Balance for Life Fitness Center's Lose & Win Contest. I lost 23 lbs during the six week contest -- although most of the weight came off in the last three weeks. My trainer, Julie, who started this journey with me, also took measurements and the results are quite astounding. I will spare the details, but I lost 45 inches in the last 6 months.

During the contest, I got back on track with working out every day; my food plan was clean; I gave up alcohol all together; and worked through some emotional challenges that were getting in my way. It was by all accounts a fantastic experience and I ended the contest and this part of the journey feeling strong, happy and high on life.

On Thursday, while in a meeting at my beloved Bluefin Bay Resort, I got the email that indeed I had won the contest by a landslide! The reward is even more perfect: $500 in free training sessions. And, of course, the title of Biggest Loser doesn't hurt either. :-)

While in this state of euphoria and place of strength, I have had many amazing experiences at work and at play. The biggest, and perhaps most fun, is that I am noticing men again and flirting like crazy! Yes, flirting. I do need tips as my flirting skills are a little rusty. Cases in point. I met a handsome, arty looking gentlemen in the elevator on my way to a client's office last week (3x) and each time I forgot to see if he had a wedding ring -- rookie mistake. Last night, I met a cute boy at the Bluefin Grille and almost neglected to get his name; luckily he asked for my number. OMG, no one has asked for my number in years! Honestly, fun and exciting and ... (By the way, for those of you wondering, NO it was not Saint Paul Mayor Chris Coleman who is pictured here. He is not available (lol) and this photo of us was taken at a client event last week. I just love the photo.)

Other positives are endless: I shopped for new clothes with my mom and got into yet another smaller size; I got to celebrate with friends Jim V. and Dennis and Jolita with a glass (or a few) of red wine at the Bluefin Grille on Thursday night. All three are clients, friends, and huge supporters without whom I am not sure I would be in this place. The entire team at Bluefin Bay has continued their support and encouragement. Last night at dinner I discovered my broccoli was prepared with butter and Chef Ed personally went back into the kitchen and steamed some new broccoli for me! Thanks Ed.

Work opportunities have presented themselves and some of them are big and risky and challenging and exciting. The old me might have been afraid to take the risk. The list of little highs is quite endless and these blogs are long so I am only listing the ones I want to remember when I go back and read this long from now.

A VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU to my Twin Cities trainers Julie Gronquist and Sandra Swami from Balance for Life Fitness Center, who are not only both great trainers but Lori supporters and a day-to-day part of the fitness team that is bringing this home. Julie is innovative with these contests and this one came with a manual that reinforces everything I learned from Leif Anderson, the head of the excavation team. Leif, what can I say, I trust you implicitly and you led me home - this time, and again and again. There are no words to express my love and gratitude for that. THANK YOU doesn't seem enough! 

So another amazing journey and a week of highs...but not without a few curve balls.

I expected this story to end on a 100% high. I love happy endings! However, as I got up to blog this morning, I realized it's more complicated than that. Just like the rainy, gray day that greeted me, life is more often a mixed bag...shades of gray. Often wonderful successes and amazing experiences come with the tough stuff mixed in. For me, it has always been a struggle to embrace and hold both the good and the bad simultaneously. To stop, celebrate and hold the joy and the success but in the context of the realities, thus with a more balanced and perhaps grounded view.

Examples. Life threw me some disappointments this week, too. Sparing the details, suffice it to say, people disappoints. There were trust issues, dashed hopes, and as a result, feelings of anger and sadness. I found myself reeling from the highs to the lows with lightning speed, and letting the disappointments cloud my personal happiness and success. Consequently, I lost focus on working my program and found it difficult to stick to the plan. On top of that struggle, I  found myself wishing I could change the outcome or fix it (there's that control gene again! :-).

It turns out, the real differentiator is how you hold, react and live with the disappointments and struggles as well as the wins and successes. The old Lori would ride those waves - high highs and low lows. She led a very passionate, yet one might argue, reactionary life. The new Lori is BEGINNING to learn to hold the entire bag, embracing life with a bit more balance, moderation, and proportion. Easier said than done, for sure. But part of my journey.

So if I take my own advice and view the balanced bag of this past week, the positives win but they are tempered by the reality of change. I feel great physically and emotionally. I am strong and happy. And that strength will help me manage the personal disappointments, rising above them while continuing to let go of what I can't control. I have had an amazing journey and an incredible past six weeks of progress. The ball has moved down the field and I am standing tall and proud! There are some challenges in front of me in terms of how I move forward. The landscape has changed and the field will look different. But I have no doubt, I will be better and stronger for it.

If anyone has wisdom to share, or insights I am not seeing here. Or, even if you can relate, please share your comments either here or in private. And if you have tips on picking up boys - CALL ME! I am ready to roll.

Hugs. Happy Memorial Day weekend all.

Life Anew

As I'm driving home from my morning workout to ready for the day, I am struck by the gorgeous spring blossoms budding on the trees, the bushes, the flowers. My neighborhood is like a spring kingdom with freshness, newness and life everywhere. I love spring! It feels like a chance to start anew with a clean, fresh slate and blossom and bud for the world to see. Sounds corny when you write it, I know. But I'm a little nutty that way and I LOVE that about me!

What struck me as I was taking in spring and all of the new opportunities, was how very different my life is today vs. one spring ago -- in big and little ways.

A year ago I didn't have the same kind of hope and optimism. I was coming off a serious betrayal of trust and relationship fall-out and I had lost hope in human kind. This year, I couldn't be more excited, optimistic and, frankly, just happy in the moment with the way things are. I am actually fully appreciating and enjoying in the moment the blossoms on the trees, the smell of spring, the moonlit nights, my work, my friends, my family, and my new healthy lifestyle. It's so cool to take that in and celebrate that accomplishment. And to be hopeful and optimistic for the future and what comes next!

The little ways my life is anew this spring are plenty. Here are just a few that come to mind:

• I start every day with Lori time - usually breakfast, a workout, and time to focus on just me!
• I look forward to the days I can take a break from work and walk around Lake Como with anticipation and excitement vs. "I shoulds."
• I am constantly planning my next outdoor adventure whether it be an aggressive hike, a long bike ride, taking golf lessons, etc.
• My cute little red cooler goes to work with me every day packed with fresh healthy food that I prepare. I LOVE my little red cooler!
• My days are filled with spurts of time to connect personally with friends, family -- not as much as I would like, but so much more than one year ago.
• Almost every day I spend some time connecting with my Fitness North pals past, present and future - and paying it forward has now become part of my routine. And I LOVE it! I get energy from it and some day hope to actually travel and speak.
• I don't mind having my picture taken - and actually look for opportunities to be photographed and document my progress! (Yes, Jean, you can now bring your camera and I will POSE for you!)
• I love getting ready for work and deciding what to wear and trying on new clothes and accessories..it's become a game to see how fast I can burn through the sizes!
• I'm taking more risks with greater ease - personally and professionally.
• I use too many explanation points in my communication these days and I don't care!! :-)

So for today, I start the day anew with a full heart, full of vim and vigor and myschief -- and ready to take on spring, summer and all my new life brings. Scheming already on that next mountain to climb and incredibly grateful for the ones I have already climbed.

Before and During!

I promised myself I wouldn't let too many weeks go by without a blog. This blog is both documentation of my journey and a key part of taking stock along the way while paying it forward. These past two weeks have been great. Absolutely great! I am back in the saddle (post plateau) and working very hard with the help of a whole team of people, not to mention all of my friends, fans and supporters. (THANK YOU!)

The head of the team is Leif Anderson, Program Director and Lead Trainer and Nutritional Coach at Fitness North. I have written about Leif many times; he is simply amazing, bar none! Leif has worked with me these past few weeks to get back on track post -100 lb weight loss and adjust for the second phase of the work. Currently, he is helping me tackle a new short-term goal -- to win a weight loss contest at Balance for Life Fitness Center for the most percentage of weight lost in six weeks. The final weigh in is May 23, so I have one full week to go and believe I am on track to have a shot at the grand prize of $500 in training sessions! But even if I don't win the grand prize, I consider myself a winner because I am losing again and feel so strong. Thank you Leif.

My current training team at Balance for Life Fitness Center consists of two excellent trainers and human beings -- Julie Gronquist, founder/owner and lead trainer, and my new second trainer, Sandra Swami, wellness and fitness consultant. I train about 3x per week with Julie and Sandra and they are both great supporters and coaches. Julie knows me extremely well after five years of working together off and on, and I think she is as excited as anyone to finally see my success. She has definitely seen the downs more than the ups! Sandra reminds me of Leif -- she is a huge asset on the nutritional side and pushes me hard in the workouts, beyond what I think I can do. And she is the master of correct form. I love that. She is also insightful and "straight" with me -- qualities that make a good trainer, a great one!

This past week I reconnected with my close friend, Jimbo, and processed what has made this journey successful where so many others over the years weren't. Jim was both inquiring and offering counsel. (Thanks Chief!) He has seen me through years of failed attempts and I think is both pleased and a bit surprised as to why the success this time.

The success formula is probably as individual as we are. But, for me, it boils down to a few significant and fundamental shifts. First and foremost, you have to be ready. I was finally ready to commit to this and to myself above all else, no excuses  -- not my business, my friends, my family, just myself in the center of the equation. My friend, Elaine, and I joke about being late bloomers and certainly I wish I had gotten to the "ready" place sooner, but I didn't. This is my journey. The point is, I got here! Yeah for me! For whatever reason, this time when the stars aligned I was ready and I grabbed hold of the opportunities before me and didn't let go.

Secondly, the stars aligned and opportunities were presented when I met O'Neal Hampton of Biggest Loser fame/success and learned of Fitness North at my beloved Surfside on Lake Superior. The universe gave me an opportunity and I knew the moment that I met O'Neal and he looked me in the eye and said "We can do this!" and "We've got this!" -- this was it. It was my time. I grabbed hold. Scared as hell, but I lept.

Finally, Fitness North was the jumpstart on the journey and has been my program foundation the entire way. Fitness North has offered so many incredible gifts, but the single most important was it taught me that I could do it - I could do literally anything I put my mind to! It wasn't my body or physical limits that was stopping me all of those years, but rather my mind and the negative thoughts such as "I cant'!" Turns out - I CAN! Leif Anderson and Jay Grove, the trainers at Fitness North, led the excavation to help break me of the bad habit of quitting/stopping when it got hard. And, it got really, really hard at Fitness North - but quitting was not an option. I thank them both (two amazing human beings) to this day for providing the opportunity for me to push myself to a place where now I tell myself "I CAN!" and to truly know in my head and my heart, I can do anything I set my mind to.

The last big nugget for me was being willing to put myself out there and share my journey publicly. This had to be part of my program strategy in the beginning as it provided a level of accountability that I needed. In the end, it has provided soooooooo much more. I have connected in a new way with so many incredible people -- both in my circle and outside -- and each and every comment, supportive Facebook or blog post, or encouragement helps me get to the next level. I am a lucky girl to have so much love and support all around me.

So if there is a winning formula, for me, that's it. That and a whole lot of hard, hard work to fight past the emotional "I cant's" or "It's too hard" and a bit of stopping to celebrate the successes and the progress along the way.

Speaking of celebrating progress. Today I found a before photo of me in a red jacket that was 4 sizes bigger. This was taken when hiking (strolling) the Temperance River on the North Shore with my sorority sisters last November, just one week before Fitness North. Then I found a photo my friend, Sally Nankivell, took this past month when we hiked Temperance - this time in a new red jacket four sizes smaller -- and a100 lbs lighter. My before and during photos! Pretty cool to see the progress when you put them side by side.

I am so excited to see what comes next. And, I've already decided that when I reach goal I will buy a new red Eddie Bauer jacket and take that "After" picture at Temperance River State Park! I hope you will all be there to celebrate with me.

Celebrating progress not perfection

It's been awhile and it's time to write. This morning as I gaze out my window at a vanishing site line of Lake Superior, I am able to let in the power and strength of the water and stop for a moment to focus on my progress on this journey to better health and better living.

I don't know about you, but way too often I strive for perfection and lose sight of the progress along the way. Perfection becomes the goal, overshadowing  the opportunity to celebrate successes and take stock of how far we've come. I think as women, we put extra pressure on ourselves. For me, it is incredibly important to stop and celebrate all of the progress along the journey to the finish line. And when I do, WOW, it is amazing! I feel so fortunate to be where I am today.

This weekend I was reminded by people all around me, and my beloved Lake Superior, how lucky I am to be here...right where I am today in my journey. People who haven't seen me in weeks or months at Bluefin Bay are taking note with great enthusiasm at the reduction in physical size, my incredibly different mental attitude, and they're jumping in to support me in little and big ways. What an incredible gift! Comments like, "Oh my God, you are half your size;" "You look incredible, so skinny and sexy!" and "You look sooooooo good!" - how can you do anything but feel good? It's time to stop and take in what that really feels like. And how many people care. Wow.

Of course, we know that I have miles to go. But to focus on that and not stop to celebrate the significant progress and the successes that have come so quickly and so powerfully, would be to focus on perfection and not progress. So today I thank my friends and colleagues who are part of my Bluefin Bay Family - starting of course with Dennis, Jolita, Peter, Andrew, the front desk staff, and Nadya, Mima, Ed and the Food and Beverage staff at the restaurants who now actively coach me on how the food is prepared and prepare especially for me whatever I request on my food plan that week.

Some examples:

• This weekend was Owners Weekend at the resort and we kick off the weekend with a special buffet for owners and a chance to sample the best of the restaurant and catering menus. The food is amazing and tempting. One of the assistant chef's (whom I barely know) helped me out at the buffet by telling me this green veggie dish was sauteed in butter and was full of fat - he also said, 'Wow, Lori, you look great!" I can't tell you how incredibly lucky I feel to have this family and circle of support away from home.
• Barb, a host who has worked at Bluefin Bay for years, lost 100 lbs on her own a few years back. She waits on me and actively supports me in my journey and coaches me on what to order or eat at the restaurant.
• Andy, who fitted me for snowshoes during my Fitness North camp experience, gave me tips last night on which hikes will challenge me this spring and be tougher than Oberg Mountain but not out of range for me as I continue my journey.

It gets even better, when celebrating my progress to date:

This past week I spent Easter break on the Oregon Coast with my Mom and niece. We visited all of the places I went last October with my friend Jean -- walked miles of my favorite beaches, went to Yaquina Head Lighthouse, and  of course traveled to get there on a plane. The difference and ease of this trip compared to the last, INCREDIBLE!

First of all, the plane seat is more comfortable and seat belts fit with ease, something thin/regular sized people take for granted but overweight people struggle with each time they travel. Secondly, I walked miles farther on beaches than I did before and never needed to rest, stop or sit down. At Yaquina Lighthouse, this time I climbed to the top of the lighthouse with my niece to see the incredible view and take in all I have accomplished. It was so cool. And, I literally ran 2x up and down the steep steps to the lower shoreline at low tide to see the amazing critters. By comparison, in October, I considered not making the trek down and when I did I had to stop at each flight of stairs to rest on the bench or catch my breath.

We played in the water and I jumped, yes I said jumped, off the ground into the air - something I would not even have considered before the jumping jacks at Fitness North that I thought were going to kill me! (Thank you Leif and Jay. I hated those damn jumping jacks but they obviously helped.)

We went shopping in the high end stores in Nye's Beach and I walked into the store with my mom and niece and bought "regular" size clothes that are pretty darn out of character (not big and baggy) for me and was shocked at the difference in how the sales clerks treated me now that I am regular sizes. I was able to buy clothes in these stores, whereas for years, I could only admire the clothes and buy accessories like scarves, jewelry and handbags. My Mom and niece were so supportive and we had fun shopping togehter. I walked out in style and a few hundred dollars lite! :-)

So, as my mind wanders these days to being overwhelmed by the second half of the journey, or the fact that these past few weeks the weight has not come off as easily or as quickly, I must take stock and celebrate the progress to date. All this while taking in the incredible support that continues to surround me and keep me moving forward one day, one step at a time.

Today, a new Fitness North camp starts at Surfside on Lake Superior. I will see my FN family, as well as my Bluefin Bay family. And I can once again thank the FN team for their help in changing my life. So today is about celebrating the progress of this journey and how incredibly fortunate I am to be right where I am today as opposed to where I was only six short months ago.

I invite anyone reading this who wants to reach out, to please do so. And I send all of you in my life who have supported me beyond my wildest dreams to take stock and celebrate with me. I love you. You, of course, know who you are. The wind beneath my wings, the lions in my den. I will need you in these coming months, perhaps more than ever before. Until we meet again...think progress, not perfection. And I will do the same.

Lori